3 big questions to ask your aging parents

One of the toughest things to go through as an adult is helping your parents as they get older. Life is finite, and both you and your parents might be reluctant to talk about what type of support they might need. But as difficult as these conversations can be, it鈥檚 important to make time for them. Eldercare attorney鈥� 鈥痳ecommends age 75 as the best time to start talking to your parents about finances and caregiving issues.

From my personal experience as well as discussions with aging experts, . I鈥檝e included insights from several guests on episodes of Morningstar鈥檚鈥� .

1. How healthy are your finances?

鈥淚f I had to do it all over again, I would have had conversations with (my mom) sooner about her finances,鈥� author and journalist鈥�

Our parents don鈥檛 want to be a burden, and it may seem like everything is fine, but appearances can be deceiving. Gently ask how they鈥檙e managing their bills: Are they paying on time, do they have enough money?

Then keep going with questions about income. Are they getting distributions from retirement funds or relying on Social Security and a pension? Do they have investments? They may not want to share all the paperwork, but you can ask them to put it someplace safe for you to access in case of emergency.

What you can do:

2. Do you have end-of-life plans and documents?

鈥淚f you die without a will,鈥� . 鈥� (Or) family members get into fighting over who gets what,鈥� Huddleston says.

That鈥檚 why a will and a durable power of attorney are important. Even if there鈥檚 a will, though, beneficiary designations on various accounts can override it. If those are out of date, money could go to a place the parent didn鈥檛 ultimately intend.

Don鈥檛 overlook a healthcare power of attorney (aka healthcare surrogate or healthcare proxy), which is someone who can make medical decisions if your parent can鈥檛. An advance directive (often called a living will) specifies what sort of end-of-life care they want. Then 鈥渇amily knows what your wishes are so they don鈥檛 end up in court fighting over whether to keep you on life support,鈥� Huddleston says.

And finally, ask about your parents鈥� wishes for a burial, cremation, or memorial service, and whether they may have already bought a cemetery plot.

What you can do:

Here鈥檚 what this all boils down to, attorney Hurme says, 鈥淵our family really can鈥檛 carry out your wishes if they don鈥檛 know what they are. They want to do the right thing. So don鈥檛 make them guess about it.鈥�

3. Is your home still safe and comfortable for you?

that the majority of older adults want to stay in their homes as long as possible. As people age, though, it can be difficult, especially if they鈥檙e far from the rest of the family. Can your parents still climb the stairs? Can they safely maintain a big yard? Let them know there are benefits for both of you: They could help you by handling the occasional school pickup, and they might get鈥� .

What you can do:

Your loved ones may not be open to these tricky conversations the first time around, but raise the issue gently again, making sure they know how much you care.

contributed to this article.

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Amy C. Arnott, CFA, is a portfolio strategist for Morningstar and co-host of .